MANNERS 101-1920'S STYLE

I love looking at societal etiquette from decades past.  Each generation thinks that their young people are the worst behaved.  People tend to look to the past with sentimentality and an unrealistic idea that things were much better then...


In the 1920's:

Upper echelons thought of etiquette as strict guidelines for life.

-Gentlemen never spoke of money or his possessions especially in the presence of women.
-Even stronger, a man never ill-spoke of his marriage in public, even in the face of infidelity.  Any visible emotions would be considered weakness in a man. 

"No matter who he may be, whether rich or poor, in high life or low, the man who publicly besmirches his wife’s name, besmirches still more his own, and proves that he is not, was not, and never will be, a gentleman.”

Men or women must never act like social climbers.  There were easy signs to spot for picking out old money from new.

   “When you see a woman in silks and sables and diamonds speak to a little errand girl or a footman or a scullery maid as though they were the dirt under her feet, you may be sure of one thing; she hasn’t come a very long way from the ground herself.”

Men and women were to follow the rules of social etiquette to the letter else punishment would be swift and severe.  Rule breakers would no longer be welcome or invited to posh dinner parties. 

Our society no longer holds these rules in high regard.  We've become a much looser society.  But I do like that there are some elements of good manners which has lasted the test of time - such as opening doors for women. 


Above quotes are courtesy of:

Post, Emily. Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics and at Home. New York: Funk &

Wagnalls, 1922. Bartleby.com www.bartleby.com/95/. [4/6/09].



 

Thought you might enjoy excerpts from the vintage book shown above:

ETIQUETTE IN EVERYDAY LIFE 1920s

A book of etiquette from the 1920s.

Manners at the table:
Do not be late for dinner.
Do not read at the table.
Do not seat yourself before the ladies.
Always put your napkin over your knee.
Do not cut bread-break it.
Do not make a noise when supping soup.
Pick your conversation, light and cheerful.

In society:
If you visit, leave your coat and umbrella in the hall.
Do not shake a ladies hand first, let her do it.
Do not stare at people or things in the room.
Do not talk about the weather, talk about music, art, literature, sport.
Cross a room to open a door for a lady.

Love Courtship and Marriage:
A well bred person does not wear his or her heart on their sleeve.
Do not trifle with affections, to pretend to be in love is contemptible.
It is a becoming courtesy to ask the father before offering an engagement ring.
When engaged it is not usual for young people to spend much time alone.
Do not forget that your wife's letters or your husband's letters are not your concern.

Training the children:
Do not say or do anything in front of them that you would not wish them to say or do.
If the children see consideration and feeling for others displayed, they will learn to do the same.
If courtesies like Good Morning and Good Night are not taught, other delinquencies will follow.
Teach your children to answer plainly and boldly, when asked a question, two somewhat disagreeable traits that very many children exhibit are the failure to answer promptly and the other who are overbold and pert, who volunteer information or even advice unsought.


Wow, maybe I should just stay at home, eat junk in my underwear and yell at the neighbours' kids!

Carol 

Gentlemanly Manners

Okay, without getting into too much detail or personal points, I went on a date recently (yes, I'm single...). Having been brought up in a family where the gent's used to hold open doors for ladies, and being once married to someone who insisted on opening the car door for me, I do not think twice about whether my date will do the same for me - I actually expect it.

Until the other day. Have I become so spoiled? When the date in question simply unlocked the car door (with a remote of course) and just jumped into the drivers side leaving me outside of the car, I had a pang of being insulted. I am not the sensitive type, nor a feminist. I believe in equality. But as my readers know, I am a stickler for good manners.

I believe it shows a great deal about a gentleman when he opens the car door for his lady, any lady. What do you think? Are there certain mannerisms you expect?

And of course, the lady must be gracious and say thank you. It may be expected in my minds eye, to open the door, but it is also greatly appreciated.

Etiquette - A Personal Rant

Emily Post, c. 1900, photo courtesy of The Emily Post Institute

"Etiquette must, if it is to be of more than trifling use, include ethics as well as manners. Certainly what one is, is of far greater importance than what one appears to be. A knowledge of etiquette is of course essential to one’s decent behavior, just as clothing is essential to one’s decent appearance; and precisely as one wears the latter without being self-conscious of having on shoes and perhaps gloves, one who has good manners is equally unself-conscious in the observance of etiquette, the precepts of which must be so thoroughly absorbed as to make their observance a matter of instinct rather than of conscious obedience." Emily Post, 1922

I often say I'm not surprised by anything anymore. Until it comes to a person's manners. I have seen dreadful manners and behavior by too many - particularly having worked in the restaurant industry for 20 years you can imagine what I have seen and been the recipient of!

Unfortunately, when someone is actually nice today, it is surprising. We look upon that person perhaps as being 'odd' - even wondering if they have an 'alterior motive'. I believe it comes down to a matter of trust, which is lacking in many of us - an unfortunate sign of the times.

I thought I would do a series of etiquette posts based on Emily Post and her famous publication of 1922, Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics, and at Home. This book was a best seller then, and continues to be revised and updated clearly showing an interest in good behavior. So why haven't more of us caught on?

Emily Post on her radio program, c. 1942 photo courtesy of The Emily Post Institute

I have never read her book, but as I do in the coming week or two, particularly the sections on dress, I will summarize and comment on Emily's ideas of etiquette. I'm sure we will all learn a thing or two!

Calling All Gentlemen

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."

Mark Twain.

45 things every man should know for living in the modern world.

By Edward Wilkinson-Latham

"A gentleman is defined by intrinsic qualities such as manners, decorum and graceful wit. Although some may presume such preoccupations belong to a bygone era, the manners of a true gentleman never go out of style."

This lovely online catalogue has everything a modern gentleman needs to know. From grooming to fashion to maintaining integrity with wit and education, we can all learn a thing or two. This is written with humor and style! Just as a gent (or anyone) should be.

In the fashion section, there is a wonderful paragraph on suits. "A gentleman should own more than one suit, but avoid anything polyester. The elderly may be fond of it, but that's because the static keeps their hearts going."

This is so much fun to read! Pass it along to your fellow gents and ladies.