Manners 101 - Class Has Started!

Hello readers.  Each Monday we will be featuring a new segment called "Manners 101".  We will cover all things to do with everyday manners, restaurant etiquette, workplace behaviour, - just about any topic which we could reference Emily Post for help.  Veronica and I will feature some of our own experiences as well as share any from your emails.  We'd love to hear from you.  We welcome funny stories, sad stories or ones that make you just shake your head.

Recently, a girlfriend and I went to an all-day breakfast eatery.  We each ordered an alarming amount of bacon and eggs with sides of pancakes.  Having just completed an hour of Pilate's, we were shaky and ready to plunge into our meals.



When the server came with our pancakes, one just flew off the plate and landed squarely on the table.  The poor guy looked alarmed and panicked.  He then picked up the pancake with his bare hand and plunked it back on the plate with its twin.  Then he stepped back, looking relieved like he had just saved what could have been a really bad situation.  For my friend and I, the bad situation had just been initiated when it looked like he was not going to take that tainted plate away!  Finally, after a few awkward moments, we asked him to take away said plate and please bring us new food - not the same one with the top pancake flicked away in the kitchen.

By that time the server's more senior coworker had arrived on the scene, quickly assessed the situation and shooed him and the food away. 

My friend and I were both a little traumatized by the experience.  We really shouldn't have had to ask for that plate to be removed from our table.

In the end, we both had tasty meals and our bill was discounted 15% for the "inconvenience". 

Should this person go back to 'server 101' classes? Most definitely!

I think that this experience gets the thumbs downs.

Carol

Etiquette Shmetiquette!


Recently I was at a family dinner at my in-laws' house.  As we were getting ready to serve the dessert, my mother-in-law got upset about the fact that I had put a "kitchen spatula" on the table as the serving utensil.  I didn't chose it for its aesthetic quality, but more for its practical use.  I didn't consider any of us visiting to be "company".  We were in fact just the immediate family.  So why did she look so upset?  I suppose I'm very practical and my mother-in-law comes from a time of paper doilies, frilly aprons and chafing dishes lined up like soldiers.

thisnext.com

Have we lost an essential element of "eating in the dining room"?  Are we in a society that is knowingly ignoring high manners and etiquette?  Or is casual dining more appropriate for today's mindset and lifestyles?  I admit to loving a certain downtown restaurant for its impeccable service and attention to details that lack in most other eateries.  So if I enjoy and appreciate the crisp napkin placed upon my lap, crumbs discreetly brushed away and my main course kept warm while I excuse myself to powder my nose, then why did I go for the spatula?

I suppose knowledge of etiquette is always in the back of my mind.  I am aware of it, but I don't feel the need to exercise it all the time.   I love the service at the restaurant because I'm paying for it and it's nice to be pampered once in awhile.

Family dinners should be a relaxed time of togetherness, not necessarily an opportunity for Emily Post type lessons in table manners.  So I say etiquette shmetiquette!  I don't have any disgusting table habits that I know of, so live and let live.  Let's learn to relax and enjoy the food and company.  After all, isn't that what it's all about?



Etiquette Vintage Parfaits set of four, no. 2825



Vintage 1953 Doilies In The Modern Manner Booklet





In case you ever feel the need...

Meal Planning & Table Service Etiquette Antique VTG





Gentlemanly Manners

Okay, without getting into too much detail or personal points, I went on a date recently (yes, I'm single...). Having been brought up in a family where the gent's used to hold open doors for ladies, and being once married to someone who insisted on opening the car door for me, I do not think twice about whether my date will do the same for me - I actually expect it.

Until the other day. Have I become so spoiled? When the date in question simply unlocked the car door (with a remote of course) and just jumped into the drivers side leaving me outside of the car, I had a pang of being insulted. I am not the sensitive type, nor a feminist. I believe in equality. But as my readers know, I am a stickler for good manners.

I believe it shows a great deal about a gentleman when he opens the car door for his lady, any lady. What do you think? Are there certain mannerisms you expect?

And of course, the lady must be gracious and say thank you. It may be expected in my minds eye, to open the door, but it is also greatly appreciated.

Vulgar Sheep

Well, I have begun reading Emily Post's Etiquette and I must say she is a woman of admirable wit with a very sharp tongue! As is often the case, to have good manners and etiquette also means you must have decent moral values and live by the truth. In Ms. Post's case, she insists upon truthfulness and will dish it out with a large shovel. This is most entertaining!

"CLOTHES are to us what fur and feathers are to beasts and birds; they not only add to our appearance, but they are our appearance. How we look to others entirely depends upon what we wear and how we wear it; manners and speech are noted afterward, and character last of all."

Ms Post asks, "What makes a brilliant party?". Accordingly it is good clothes as a 'frumpy' party is nothing more than a collection of badly dressed people. One can have brains, beauty, finances but if they are badly dressed, can verge on having a vulgar appearance.

Ouch!

A chic woman (she mostly notes females to begin with, having an entire chapter devoted to gentleman's dress), does NOT buy the latest, greatest and newest fashions. Those that do, are referred to as a 'dressed-to-the-minute' woman. They do not take into consideration if the latest, greatest and newest fashions actually suit them. Grouping these ladies and comparing them to sheep, she takes some of the recent fashions in the early part of the 20th century and describes them thus:

"When hobble skirts are the thing, the fattest wabble along, looking for all the world like chandeliers tied up in mosquito netting. If ball dresses are cut to the last limit of daring, the ample billows of the fat will vie blandly with the marvels of anatomy exhibited by the thin. Comfort, convenience, becomingness, adaptability, beauty are of no importance. Fashion is followed to the letter—therefore they fancy, poor sheep, they are the last word in smartness."

Did I mention she was brutally honest? The word 'fat' comes up a lot. 

 

Some suitable clothes.

Vintage Wool Suit

 

Vintage 3 Piece Double Knit Suit

 

Gay Paree Pink Wool Suit

 

Grey Wool Dress with Matching Bolero

Etiquette - A Personal Rant

Emily Post, c. 1900, photo courtesy of The Emily Post Institute

"Etiquette must, if it is to be of more than trifling use, include ethics as well as manners. Certainly what one is, is of far greater importance than what one appears to be. A knowledge of etiquette is of course essential to one’s decent behavior, just as clothing is essential to one’s decent appearance; and precisely as one wears the latter without being self-conscious of having on shoes and perhaps gloves, one who has good manners is equally unself-conscious in the observance of etiquette, the precepts of which must be so thoroughly absorbed as to make their observance a matter of instinct rather than of conscious obedience." Emily Post, 1922

I often say I'm not surprised by anything anymore. Until it comes to a person's manners. I have seen dreadful manners and behavior by too many - particularly having worked in the restaurant industry for 20 years you can imagine what I have seen and been the recipient of!

Unfortunately, when someone is actually nice today, it is surprising. We look upon that person perhaps as being 'odd' - even wondering if they have an 'alterior motive'. I believe it comes down to a matter of trust, which is lacking in many of us - an unfortunate sign of the times.

I thought I would do a series of etiquette posts based on Emily Post and her famous publication of 1922, Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics, and at Home. This book was a best seller then, and continues to be revised and updated clearly showing an interest in good behavior. So why haven't more of us caught on?

Emily Post on her radio program, c. 1942 photo courtesy of The Emily Post Institute

I have never read her book, but as I do in the coming week or two, particularly the sections on dress, I will summarize and comment on Emily's ideas of etiquette. I'm sure we will all learn a thing or two!