MANNERS 101-1920'S STYLE

I love looking at societal etiquette from decades past.  Each generation thinks that their young people are the worst behaved.  People tend to look to the past with sentimentality and an unrealistic idea that things were much better then...


In the 1920's:

Upper echelons thought of etiquette as strict guidelines for life.

-Gentlemen never spoke of money or his possessions especially in the presence of women.
-Even stronger, a man never ill-spoke of his marriage in public, even in the face of infidelity.  Any visible emotions would be considered weakness in a man. 

"No matter who he may be, whether rich or poor, in high life or low, the man who publicly besmirches his wife’s name, besmirches still more his own, and proves that he is not, was not, and never will be, a gentleman.”

Men or women must never act like social climbers.  There were easy signs to spot for picking out old money from new.

   “When you see a woman in silks and sables and diamonds speak to a little errand girl or a footman or a scullery maid as though they were the dirt under her feet, you may be sure of one thing; she hasn’t come a very long way from the ground herself.”

Men and women were to follow the rules of social etiquette to the letter else punishment would be swift and severe.  Rule breakers would no longer be welcome or invited to posh dinner parties. 

Our society no longer holds these rules in high regard.  We've become a much looser society.  But I do like that there are some elements of good manners which has lasted the test of time - such as opening doors for women. 


Above quotes are courtesy of:

Post, Emily. Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics and at Home. New York: Funk &

Wagnalls, 1922. Bartleby.com www.bartleby.com/95/. [4/6/09].



 

Thought you might enjoy excerpts from the vintage book shown above:

ETIQUETTE IN EVERYDAY LIFE 1920s

A book of etiquette from the 1920s.

Manners at the table:
Do not be late for dinner.
Do not read at the table.
Do not seat yourself before the ladies.
Always put your napkin over your knee.
Do not cut bread-break it.
Do not make a noise when supping soup.
Pick your conversation, light and cheerful.

In society:
If you visit, leave your coat and umbrella in the hall.
Do not shake a ladies hand first, let her do it.
Do not stare at people or things in the room.
Do not talk about the weather, talk about music, art, literature, sport.
Cross a room to open a door for a lady.

Love Courtship and Marriage:
A well bred person does not wear his or her heart on their sleeve.
Do not trifle with affections, to pretend to be in love is contemptible.
It is a becoming courtesy to ask the father before offering an engagement ring.
When engaged it is not usual for young people to spend much time alone.
Do not forget that your wife's letters or your husband's letters are not your concern.

Training the children:
Do not say or do anything in front of them that you would not wish them to say or do.
If the children see consideration and feeling for others displayed, they will learn to do the same.
If courtesies like Good Morning and Good Night are not taught, other delinquencies will follow.
Teach your children to answer plainly and boldly, when asked a question, two somewhat disagreeable traits that very many children exhibit are the failure to answer promptly and the other who are overbold and pert, who volunteer information or even advice unsought.


Wow, maybe I should just stay at home, eat junk in my underwear and yell at the neighbours' kids!

Carol 

Manners 101 - Class Has Started!

Hello readers.  Each Monday we will be featuring a new segment called "Manners 101".  We will cover all things to do with everyday manners, restaurant etiquette, workplace behaviour, - just about any topic which we could reference Emily Post for help.  Veronica and I will feature some of our own experiences as well as share any from your emails.  We'd love to hear from you.  We welcome funny stories, sad stories or ones that make you just shake your head.

Recently, a girlfriend and I went to an all-day breakfast eatery.  We each ordered an alarming amount of bacon and eggs with sides of pancakes.  Having just completed an hour of Pilate's, we were shaky and ready to plunge into our meals.



When the server came with our pancakes, one just flew off the plate and landed squarely on the table.  The poor guy looked alarmed and panicked.  He then picked up the pancake with his bare hand and plunked it back on the plate with its twin.  Then he stepped back, looking relieved like he had just saved what could have been a really bad situation.  For my friend and I, the bad situation had just been initiated when it looked like he was not going to take that tainted plate away!  Finally, after a few awkward moments, we asked him to take away said plate and please bring us new food - not the same one with the top pancake flicked away in the kitchen.

By that time the server's more senior coworker had arrived on the scene, quickly assessed the situation and shooed him and the food away. 

My friend and I were both a little traumatized by the experience.  We really shouldn't have had to ask for that plate to be removed from our table.

In the end, we both had tasty meals and our bill was discounted 15% for the "inconvenience". 

Should this person go back to 'server 101' classes? Most definitely!

I think that this experience gets the thumbs downs.

Carol

Chip n Dale Strike again...

I haven't consulted Emily Post recently, but I'm becoming more and more confused with the "Thank You" ritual.  I'm not talking about the obvious times when we say 'please' and 'thank you' in a restaurant or in other public places.  I'm talking about the required thank you after a dinner party or receiving a gift.  I am especially confused when modern communication methods are employed for delivering said words of politeness.

I remember a dinner party we attend awhile back.  The next day I sent a thank you email to our hosts.  They responded with "thank you for coming..."  They then ended their email with a comment that seemed to require me to respond back.  And so it went back and forth until I think we all felt a bit awkward and none of us knew exactly how to end the back and forth.  I have also encountered this dilemma with a popular social networking website. 

Perhaps I am wrong but I feel that if I email or call back to say thank you, I shouldn't have to send a note.  I don't really understand this snail mail ritual for today's times.  But I still receive them, then I feel that I have to say thank you for the thank you note.  And so it goes again!

Maybe some of you have experienced similar awkwardness and confusion.  Prior to home computers, our society had more cut and dry rules.  They may have seemed starchy and contrived, but at least we knew what our lines were supposed to be.  This all reminds me of the Looney Tunes cartoon chipmunks called Chip and Dale.  They seemed to be saying please and thank you ad nausium.  Back and forth they went.  It was cute and funny but when applied to real life, it can be annoying.

Please have your say and let me know what you think about this one.

Emily Post's Etiquette, 17th Edition (Thumb Indexed)

VTG 1923 "ETIQUETTE" Emily Post 4th Edition HC VG COND!



Emily Post Popularity Game 1970





Collectors Weekly Guest Blogger

Yours truly has been asked to guest blog over at Collector's Weekly. The appropriate seasonal theme of Christmas gave me a few ideas on how to throw a vintage holiday bash. Head on over and have a read. Browse through Collector's Weekly too, where they have quickly become a go-to website for information on just about anything vintage!

Read the blog post here.

p.s. Posting will be a little sporadic over the next couple of weeks due to the holidays and a much needed break. Happy Holidays everyone!

Gentlemanly Dress

"The well-dressed man is always a paradox. He must look as though he gave his clothes no thought and as though literally they grew on him like a dog’s fur, and yet he must be perfectly groomed. He must be close-shaved and have his hair cut and his nails in good order (not too polished). His linen must always be immaculate, his clothes “in press,” his shoes perfectly “done.” His brown shoes must shine like old mahogany, and his white buckskin must be whitened and polished like a prize bull terrier at a bench show. Ties and socks and handkerchief may go together, but too perfect a match betrays an effort for “effect” which is always bad.

  The well-dressed man never wears the same suit or the same pair of shoes two days running. He may have only two suits, but he wears them alternately; if he has four suits he should wear each every fourth day."

Sounds high maintenance doesn't it? I'm not certain this fastidiousness of men's dress would be welcome today - if my man took longer than me to get ready for an evening out I think I would become irritable. However, I certainly appreciate the idea of a gent who looks naturally put together.

There was only one style of dress that was appropriate for a man. Anything European. Bond Street simply set the standard for men as Paris set it for women's couture. Everything else is a bad copy. Ms. Post unequivocally preferred English tailoring to American - actually referring to American suits as "the freak American suit" . As is her way, the gloves are removed when sparring:

"It would seem that some of our great clothing establishments, with an eye to our polyglot ancestry, have attempted to incorporate some feature of every European national costume into a “harmonious” whole, and have thus given us that abiding horror, the freak American suit."

She insists a gentleman must be educated in the art of choosing a good suit and/or a good tailor; English tailors of course, being the best. If you can find a good American tailor, it is only because his clothes are identical to those of an English tailor.

Funny, one of her pet peeves is clothing that is worn too tightly. Well fit clothes are perfect in line and shape, not worn too tightly. The same holds true today, but more for the ladies fashions. Just because something is worn tightly around the body, does not mean it is sexy.

Dreadful.

I think I could fill Ms Emily Post's shoes. My irritations with bad etiquette seem very close to hers!

Queen of the Cannibals

There are those who do not know the difference between ostentation and extravagance. Ostentation in fashion happens to people when, according to Emily Post, "...no matter what the fashion of the moment may be, are always too elaborate for the occasion; too exaggerated in style, or have accessories out of proportion. People of uncultivated taste are apt to fancy distortions; to exaggerate rather than modify the prevailing fashions..."

Certain amounts of extravagance are perfectly acceptable. I enjoy my glass of port before going to bed....or that piece of chocolate cake after dinner. But extravagance can become dishonest if carried beyond one’s income.
 
"The woman of uncultivated taste has no more sense of moderation than the Queen of the Cannibals. She despises sensible clothing; she also despises plain fabrics and untrimmed models. She also cares little (apparently) for staying at home, since she is perpetually seen at restaurants and at every public entertainment. The food she orders is rich, the appearance she makes is rich; in fact, to see her often is like nothing so much as being forced to eat a large amount of butter—plain."

And I like my butter...should I switch to margarine?

No. Beautiful and valuable items are extravagant for most of us. Not in the sense that they are overdone, but in the sense that they are meaningful. My collection of vintage clothes may be extravagant, but it is a collection, something of value to me.

Emily Post describes extravagance thus:

"To always to wear new gloves is an extravagant item for one with a small allowance—but scarcely vulgar! A laundry bill can be extravagant, flowers in one’s city house, a piece of beautiful furniture, a good tapestry, each is an extravagance to an income that can not easily afford the expenditure. To one sufficient to buy the tapestry, the flowers are not an extravagance at all.

To buy quantities of things that are not even used after they are bought is sheer wastefulness, and to buy everything that tempts you, whether you can afford to pay for it or not, is, if you can not afford it, verging on the actually dishonest."

It is so refreshing to read that wastefulness was not appreciated back in 1922. Just as the war made people realize that luxuries can be taken too far, so too our recent global recession has scaled back our tastes. Sales in luxury goods are down - not because we do not like them, but rather, is it necessary?

Well, if you insist on buying that ballgown, just don't wear it to breakfast.

John Galliano's Christian Dior's 2007 Fall Couture Collection

Suitably Chic

What exactly is a chic woman? Ask five different people and you will most likely receive five completely different answers. According to Ms. Emily Post, "the woman who is chic is always a little different. Not different in being behind fashion, but always slightly apart from it."

To continue with the last post, not all the new fashions are necessarily suitable for everyone. The chic woman may embrace the latest and greatest fashions, but will adapt it to her own body type, age, color, etc...Anyone who has any clothes sense "knows more or less the type of things that are their style—unless they have such an attack of fashionitis as to be irresponsibly delirious."

Fashionitis?!?! Now that's a great word. Next time you spot a woman (or man) mixing more than 2 fashion styles together, or wearing something completely unsuitable to their person, you can officially use the word 'fashionitis'.

Katie Holmes, Anna Wintour and Britney Spears have had 'fashionitis' attacks.

 Not age appropriate, not stylish, awkward fit, not suitable....just to name a few points.

Ms. Post expands on her fashionitis theory. Clothes that are not age appropriate or non-flattering to one's appearance is equally important as buying beyond your means. "One must not buy clothes out of proportion to your income, or out of keeping with your surroundings." In other words, unless you can afford that Hermes bag because it goes with your Chanel suit and your Laboutin heels, do not pretend you can shop like Victoria Beckham.

More on that in the next post. 

Vulgar Sheep

Well, I have begun reading Emily Post's Etiquette and I must say she is a woman of admirable wit with a very sharp tongue! As is often the case, to have good manners and etiquette also means you must have decent moral values and live by the truth. In Ms. Post's case, she insists upon truthfulness and will dish it out with a large shovel. This is most entertaining!

"CLOTHES are to us what fur and feathers are to beasts and birds; they not only add to our appearance, but they are our appearance. How we look to others entirely depends upon what we wear and how we wear it; manners and speech are noted afterward, and character last of all."

Ms Post asks, "What makes a brilliant party?". Accordingly it is good clothes as a 'frumpy' party is nothing more than a collection of badly dressed people. One can have brains, beauty, finances but if they are badly dressed, can verge on having a vulgar appearance.

Ouch!

A chic woman (she mostly notes females to begin with, having an entire chapter devoted to gentleman's dress), does NOT buy the latest, greatest and newest fashions. Those that do, are referred to as a 'dressed-to-the-minute' woman. They do not take into consideration if the latest, greatest and newest fashions actually suit them. Grouping these ladies and comparing them to sheep, she takes some of the recent fashions in the early part of the 20th century and describes them thus:

"When hobble skirts are the thing, the fattest wabble along, looking for all the world like chandeliers tied up in mosquito netting. If ball dresses are cut to the last limit of daring, the ample billows of the fat will vie blandly with the marvels of anatomy exhibited by the thin. Comfort, convenience, becomingness, adaptability, beauty are of no importance. Fashion is followed to the letter—therefore they fancy, poor sheep, they are the last word in smartness."

Did I mention she was brutally honest? The word 'fat' comes up a lot. 

 

Some suitable clothes.

Vintage Wool Suit

 

Vintage 3 Piece Double Knit Suit

 

Gay Paree Pink Wool Suit

 

Grey Wool Dress with Matching Bolero

Etiquette - A Personal Rant

Emily Post, c. 1900, photo courtesy of The Emily Post Institute

"Etiquette must, if it is to be of more than trifling use, include ethics as well as manners. Certainly what one is, is of far greater importance than what one appears to be. A knowledge of etiquette is of course essential to one’s decent behavior, just as clothing is essential to one’s decent appearance; and precisely as one wears the latter without being self-conscious of having on shoes and perhaps gloves, one who has good manners is equally unself-conscious in the observance of etiquette, the precepts of which must be so thoroughly absorbed as to make their observance a matter of instinct rather than of conscious obedience." Emily Post, 1922

I often say I'm not surprised by anything anymore. Until it comes to a person's manners. I have seen dreadful manners and behavior by too many - particularly having worked in the restaurant industry for 20 years you can imagine what I have seen and been the recipient of!

Unfortunately, when someone is actually nice today, it is surprising. We look upon that person perhaps as being 'odd' - even wondering if they have an 'alterior motive'. I believe it comes down to a matter of trust, which is lacking in many of us - an unfortunate sign of the times.

I thought I would do a series of etiquette posts based on Emily Post and her famous publication of 1922, Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics, and at Home. This book was a best seller then, and continues to be revised and updated clearly showing an interest in good behavior. So why haven't more of us caught on?

Emily Post on her radio program, c. 1942 photo courtesy of The Emily Post Institute

I have never read her book, but as I do in the coming week or two, particularly the sections on dress, I will summarize and comment on Emily's ideas of etiquette. I'm sure we will all learn a thing or two!